It is 1:05am, lying in bed and only 3 more days to go to my operation is underway.
I can't sleep.
I have already watched 2 episodes of Pretty Little Liars, repeatedly scrolled through Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and now I'm writing this. All I want to do is go to sleep but all I have in my stomach is nervous butterflies. This aren't nice butterflies but ones that make you feel sick with worry, which makes questions pop into my head that I really don't need answering.
I know I'm going to be fine.
It's just, I have lived with a condition for 19 years of my life. I get up, walk and sometimes my knee dislocates. I try to sit down and sometimes my knee dislocates. I try to roll over in bed and my knee dislocates. It's weird.
When I first saw this consultant that I have now, Mr C, he examined my hips, legs and knees and when doing so pushed my knee cap into the correct position it is meant to be. My kneecaps are apparently too high, forward and outward compared to normal knees. When he did push it to that correct place, the place my knee will be after my operation, it felt so odd. For 19 years it has grown a certain way and now it's going to be so different, like learning how to use my knees again.
This is my first operation, so I just don't know how I'm going to be or what is going to happen.
It's not till surgery that my consultant will decide whether he will only be constructing a new muscle to hold my kneecap or whether her will be drilling into my bone. I hope it is not the latter.
I do know in my head that it is for the best, my only option and it'll work out as I'm in the right hands. But no one really knows my experience with this issue, so it's hard to really explain how I truly feel about what is about to happen to my knees. With that in mind though, I do want to show everyone how brave I'm being. I want to Recover well and be back on my feet as a confident girl.
Do any of you get these overthinking times? I do it all the time. I am a worrier. My parents tell me that all the time. But is in my nature so I can't always help it. I just have to force myself to block out things and think of something more soothing to put my mind at rest. Any tips on avoiding this overthinking stage would be much appreciated!!??😇
Have any of you guys had any surgery experiences? Comment them below to me, or drop me a message on @LeanneOnLife , or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Wish me luck!😘